I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
