i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this hospital has no fireball
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
