all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
