He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
