Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
