if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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