Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its not stalking. its research.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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