i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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