What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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