Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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