Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
