Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
