Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
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