How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize