my sisters under your porch take her home
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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