I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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