Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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