You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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