My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
