wrigley field is MILF paradise
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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