i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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