You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
