youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
