I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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