she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
