I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
