Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
