opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
