My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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