Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
