Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
