How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
