Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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