dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
