It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
