My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
