omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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