I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
