Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
