Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
