I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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