Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
