4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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