1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
