Ketchup is God's man juice
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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