dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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