Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
