I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
