omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
