life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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