she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
