Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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