I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
