I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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