Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
