grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize