you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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