i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
