His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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