I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
