Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
