someone get that fucking seahorse.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
