come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
