im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
