she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
