I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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