Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
