just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
