just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
