I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
