YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
