Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
