I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
