You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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